Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
