Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
