dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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