then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
