I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
