considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
