I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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