I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
