I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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