Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
