He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Boobs speak an international language.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
