Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
