I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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