i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
