he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The Olympian is in my bed
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