They should really pass out barf bags in church
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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