I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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