I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
