I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
