Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
