You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
