I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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