My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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