How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
