Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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