just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
