I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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