i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
