HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
