so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She's the barista slut.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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