I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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