I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
