There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
