You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
