I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
