There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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