he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
