these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Text me some of your sweat
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
