last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
