she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
