i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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