At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
