I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
