Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
