I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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