Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
