How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
