sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
