yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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