He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
