yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This baby is an asshole
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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