he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
