TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
