How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
