I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
