I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
did i walk over a car last night?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
