My Higher Power is John Stamos
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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