the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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