White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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